Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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