I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
NoShamevember. You game?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
