Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
