I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
