i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
