whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
