Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
