btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
