Even the bartender felt bad for me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
