Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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