I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
