You smell like stripper and shame
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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