do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
