yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
