cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
