So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
