hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
