I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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