you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its not stalking. its research.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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