last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
