At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
