I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
