I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
