be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
