How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
