i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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