The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every concussion has its silver lining
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
NoShamevember. You game?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
