I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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