i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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