she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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