Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
