so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
