Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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