Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
