One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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