Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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