why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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