Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
