hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
