Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
