she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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