You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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