yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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