you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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