Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
