Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
