he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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