its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
