Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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