Porn is love you can see.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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