I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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